23:05"God bless you," Brand says to the Queen in closing.
23:05The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 takes 'Movie of the Year'. "Thank you so much you guys!" says Stewart. I've just noticed she's wearing what appear to be Converse shoes with her dress. Classic Kristen Stewart. Taylor Lautner takes the mike next. He thanks everyone imaginable and declares: "We're super excited for you all to see the final instalment of The Twilight Saga."
23:01Jodie Foster stumbles while stepping out to read the nominees for 'Movie of the Year'.
22:57'Movie of the Year' is up next after the commercial break!
22:56"Let the games begin," declares Bane in the new trailer. Hunger Games nod?
22:55"I think Bruce Wayne's stories is one of the great stories," Nolan says. "Every great story demands a great ending. The Dark Knight Rises is our best possible attempt to put an ending on screen."
22:54Christopher Nolan takes the stage! To the chanting music from the previous Dark Knight Rises trailers, no less.
22:53"Great to remember Heath," says Christian Bale. He's moved to tears.
22:52And... it's largely a montage of the previous movies. In case we forgot, I suppose?
22:50Oooh... it's time for The Dark Knight Rises preview. Gary Oldman, Christian Bale and Joseph Gordon-Levitt take the stage. They each get loads of applause.
22:44"Thank you," Stone (Emma, not Sharon) says. "I'm a crier." She wipes away some tears. "I hope that you'll find your trailblazers... that you'll continue to harness your own originality. What sets you apart... is what makes you great. I am deeply touched and grateful for this."
22:41It's time for the 'MTV Trailblazer Award'. "Emma Stone is a once in a lifetime talent," says Mila Kunis earnestly. Anna Faris mixes Emma Stone up with Sharon Stone. "I saw her kick a blind kid once," Jim Carrey frowns.
22:38Elizabeth Banks takes 'Best On-Screen Transformation'. "Thank you for this moment right here," she says as she straddles the boys on stage. "This is just the best moment of my life." She thanks her husband and Joe Manganiello carries her off stage. Lucky, lucky, lucky.
22:37Oh. My. God. It's Joe Manganiello. In a fireman's outfit. He straddles an axe. Wow. Just, wow.
22:35Channing Tatum is taking his coat off! Matthew McConaughey stops him. Curse you, McConaughey. "I was trying to get naked," Tatum says. McConaughey coaches him through his teleprompter lines. Poor Channing Tatum.
22:34Matthew McConaughey is here too... But Channing Tatum!
22:34Channing Tatum is on stage. Channing Tatum is on stage. Channing Tatum is on stage.
22:29'Best Cast' goes to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2! "We had over 200 cast members and I wish they could all be up here now," says Emma Watson. But she singles out Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint. "I miss you terribly," she adds. Awww.
22:27The 'Best Cast' nominees are read with a montage of polar bears. I'm confused.
22:25The Hunger Games takes 'Best Fight'. "We were filming til six in the morning," Alexander Ludwig says. Sounds rough.
22:24It's an appropriate opening since they're presenting 'Best Fight'. Michael Fassbender is still on the ground after the nominees are read. Charlize Theron cannot keep a straight face.
22:23Michael Fassbender is accompanied by his Prometheus co-star Charlize Theron. "I was thinking since I'm Irish, I would just handle this one," he says to her. "Considering you're a girl..." Theron drops him and kicks Fassbender to the side. You go, girl!
22:22"Michael Fassbender is coming out here now," Russell Brand says. "I've run on about his penis a bit too much, so let's not do that joke." Fassbender is probably relieved.
22:21Joel McHale was Jennifer Lawrence's archery coach? That's what MTV would have us believe.
22:14"I just spit out one of my teeth. I'll put it back in later," Depp says as he takes his prize. "It's like the 'get out of the business' award... Based on the clips, there's obviously something wrong with me." Keep doing what you're doing, Johnny!
22:09Johnny Depp gets a guitar solo! He should really go on the road.
22:09The Black Keys pay tribute to Johnny Depp with their song 'Gold On The Ceiling'. And... it's Johnny Depp himself on stage with the band!
22:06Johnny Depp receives the Generation Award! It's preceded by a montage of Depp films. Wow, I forgot what he looked like in his 20s.
21:59The Twilight Saga takes 'Best Kiss' yet again! Stewart's here alone this year. "Rob's not here, you guys!" she declares. She calls for Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron and Taylor Lautner, but none of them help her out. So she fake makes out with herself. I'm unimpressed. I was really hoping for Hemsworth!
21:56Adam Sandler holds Leighton Meester as she teeters on stage. He is, of course, wearing jeans and a T-shirt. They're joined by Andy Samberg and they're here to present 'Best Kiss'. Sandler recalls his best kiss, which was accidental and with a stripper. Samberg says he French-kissed his "dog's butthole". Meanwhile, Meester says hers was just a chaste kiss on her cheek. "Gross," says Samberg.
21:54I would just like to note that it has been far too long since I have seen Michael Fassbender. But that might just be me.
21:52In the middle of a commercial break, LMFAO gets 'Best Music' for the use of their 'Party Rock Anthem' in 21 Jump Street.
21:43Charlie Sheen: "I'm right here and I know my name!" Can we ask for anything more, Mr. Sheen?
21:42Jennifer Lawrence wins! She's in Prague, but she's recorded a message for her fans. "Thank you," she says of her Golden Popcorn trophy. "But I can't eat this."
21:41Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth take the stage. Sigh. I just need to bask in the amazingness that is Hemsworth for a moment. "He's really the perfect person to be presenting. He's very in touch with his feminine side," Stewart says. "Then why didn't I get to play Snow White?" Hemsworth asks. He. Is. Awesome.
21:39Russell Brand is back on stage! 'Best Female Performance' is up next, and the Rock of Ages star thinks it should go to someone from Bridesmaids.
21:35Josh Hutcherson takes 'Best Male Performance'. He says he's wanted to hold a Golden Popcorn statuette since he was a kid. But the most touching part of his speech is his mention of Hunger Games director Gary Ross, who won't be back for the sequel. I think I'm a little teary-eyed.
21:28Side note: I know Teen Wolf is on after the ceremony, but do we really need a commercial every break? I like Teen Wolf and even I think it's a bit much.
21:27Shailene Woodley wins 'Breakthrough Performance' for her role in The Descendants. "I'm sweating so much," she says as she takes her award. She dedicates it to Hawaii, "all those artists out there", and cinema.
21:24Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield take the stage next, entering through a giant Spider-Man head. She swears up a storm, while he tries to look pained, but is barely holding back a laugh.
21:16"Do you know how long I have tried to let somebody unleash my on-screen dirtbag?" Aniston asks. She goes on to thank the TV show Friends, which gets a big round of applause from the crowd.
21:15'Best On-Screen Dirtbag' is the first award of the night. And it goes to... Jennifer Aniston!
21:14Mila Kunis and Mark Wahlberg are the first guest presenters. Mila's dress has a big red smear in a rather unfortunate location. I can't take my eyes away from it. What was she thinking?
21:13Russell Brand is keeping his eyes peeled for his next wife. "Fassbender!!! It has to be," Brand points to the actor, who gives him a big smile.
21:12Russell Brand says he wanted to honour Grease by giving John Travolta a massage. "He was so stiff," Brand says.
21:11Brand has enlisted Charlie Sheen to keep him in line. This will be good.
21:10Russell Brand went to school with Michael Fassbender?! Brand notes that he's toned down his comments regarding the Shame star. He is afraid of arousing Fassbender since he's sitting in the second row and "he could lose an eye".
21:09Brand says that he admires Kanye West for his taking pressure off him during the last MTV awards show he hosted (in 2009, when West interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech), then praises Kim Kardashian for taking the pressure off his failed marriage to Katy Perry by failing even faster at hers.
21:07Brand praises Justin Bieber for (allegedly) "beating up a paparazzi". He then goes on to speculate about the singer's impending stint in jail (if he's charged and found guilty, of course). It's not pretty.
21:06Russell Brand has a furry belt on. It looks like he's wearing a squirrel. Brand declares this is an important ceremony, seeing as it is the last one prior to the apocalypse.
21:04Janelle Monae joins them on stage clad in a black tux, no bow tie. Her hat is fabulous. fun. vocalist Nate Ruess embraces her and they both look absolutely thrilled to be there.
21:02Good evening! fun. kick off the 2012 MTV Movie Awards with their hit song 'We Are Young'. They're looking dapper in fitted white tuxedos with black bow ties.